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Barnhart Blog 5 - My Trip to Hell

Joel Barnhart
January 04, 2011



Cuntscumb's Myspace page tells us that the band was birthed in the fiery
pits of hell, before coming to earth with a mission of pure destruction.
That's not the full story though. It goes a little more like this:

Cuntscumb does have it's origins in Hell. They had a small house in a
suburb of hell (hellburb?), next door to Satan, the prince of Darkness.
They formed a band while in this house, and played their brutal, evil
music into the wee small hours of the morning. Satan, the music being far
too hardcore for him, got fed up and called the cops on Cuntscumb, and had
them deported from the domain of hell to wreak havoc on the citizens of
earth.

I actually met a few of the members of Cuntscumb before I'd ever heard
their music. I checked out their Myspace early on, but the first time I
saw them live was at Castaways in Thorold with Terrorist last spring. It
was the type of show where angry, sweaty people, yell and thrash and kick
and punch, and where people get beaten up in the parking lot for no reason
other than that they literally requested that it happen. In short, it was
my type of show. It was loud, it was fast, and it featured a wonderful
cover of Breaking the Law by Judas Priest.

Cuntscumb produces a sound that can only be created by eons spent
torturing the souls of the damned in hell. Bones' low, gutteral growls and
high, tearing screeches give the sound of a train wreck penis envy and
instill fear in the hearts of even the manliest of men. Luke McCabe's
blast beats and the sound of his unrelenting china invoke images of
hellspawn riding into war, hooves beating and swords clashing madly. Ryan
Mattie's riffs give you the distinct impression that if your ears had
balls, they would be kicking them. He wields his guitar not like an
instrument, but like a weapon, each sound wave abusing your brain until it
packs it's shit, moves back in with it's mom and gets a restraining order.
If evil had a sound, it would be Cuntscumb.

You may think this sounds awesome, but take it as a warning. I saw them
play live, and they rocked my face so hard it took three weeks for it to
grow back. I'd tell everyone reading this to see their show at Mikado on
January 9th, but simply recommending Cuntscumb to people could make me
accessory to manslaughter when people's head starts exploding. I can not,
in good conscience, advise people to see this show. The human body was not
designed to withstand such a constant barrage of musical assault.
Cuntscumb is simply too awesome for human consumption.

I can, however, recommend that you check out their Myspace page, at
www.myspace.com/cuntscumb. If you think you're man enough.

And remember, The B Stands for Brutal.